Kabocha Cake

and-then-eve:

adriofthedead:

slonna:

boltong:

fistofthenorsestar:

circuitboardsandcitystreets:

katydidnot:

dear internet, let me tell you some things about my public-school-in-georgia sex education.

pictured above is my abstinence til marriage card, given to me in my eighth grade health class. as you can see, i did not sign it, so it is non-binding. they were “optional” but the teacher placed the basket at the front of the class and stared us down. my 13-year-old self had a very brief dilemma between 1. making a stand and not getting one or 2. getting one because it’s fucking hilarious. i am very glad i chose the latter, because as i predicted, this is now something hilarious to show everyone.

that year in health we also learned “how to spot the identifying features of a crack baby” which is literally nothing but lies. we had a system of anonymous questions, and once someone asked “how do i know if i’m a lesbian?” our teacher looked disgusted and she replied “how would i know? i’m not a lesbian!”

EDIT i forgot to mention when she gave these to us she suggested we “cut up our cards together with our husbands on our wedding day” and i remember thinking, fuck if i marry someone from my middle school

the next time i had sex ed in high school it was taught by a dude gym coach who spent the whole time talking about his daughters. the book we were learning from listed “low self-esteem” “stunted social growth” and “depression,” among others, as consequences of premarital sex. at one point, it asked us to fill in the disadvantages of having an abortion. our teacher went, “well, i’m personally against abortion, so we’re just going to skip this section,” which confused me, because it was explicitly asking for an argument against abortion.

the last time i had sex ed it was pretty good and there were free condoms and we got little bottles of lube every time we answered questions, but i don’t think that counts cause it was in an intro to women’s studies class.

dead

somebody asked how you had gay sex in our abstinence class I thought the lady was gonna have a heart attack

we had things like this but i lost my card lmfao

i just wanted the card because it had a bunch of generic mixed race teens jumping in the air happily on the front AND I’M PRETTY SURE IT WAS LITERALLY CALLED A “V-CARD”

EXP DATE: WEDDING DAY

GOING FOR THE GOLD

once again my birth state manages to embarrass the fuck out of me

I will never set foot in Georgia again except to saw it off from the continental United States and kick it out to sea with the rest of the south

(don’t worry cool people stuck in the south, I’ll let you gtfo before I do it)

AKA edging.